Two months to go....
Christmas this year will be different. The first Christmas without my mom. It makes me very sad thinking about it. She loved the presents and the cookies and the big family suppers.
Kayla and I tried to do the gift draw like we've done for years. Mom & Dad, Me & Dan, K & Dave. Each must buy for one person. $100 gift. No getting your spouse to do the shopping for you. (a rule for the boys mostly...) This year we decided not to do it. Just didn't feel right. It made me think of last Christmas. Dan had mom's name. He brought her a big bouquet of flowers. So perfect and bittersweet. She always joked with him that she'd expect flowers @ the home once a week...
Last Christmas was as special as it could be. We booked a board room on 5A and ordered a huge pizza from the cafeteria. Mom was well enough to come down in a wheelchair and open some presents with the kids. Her emotions were fried by then, so its hard to tell if she enjoyed it - but i think she did. i was her last time interacting with her grandkids.
Plans for this year are still up in the air and stressing me out already. Kayla will not be coming home. It's their year to stay in Medicine Hat with Dave's family. We have no idea what Dad and his "roommate" Jo-Anne will be doing.
*Will they have separate celebrations with thier families?
*Will dad go with her to Saskatoon?
*Will she stay here?
*Will her family come down here?
Right now, for me. I hope they both go to saskatoon or else have separate christmases with their families.
-I don't want to do it with her family down here, as if we're some big happy blended family!
-If she stays here, she won't be welcome @ a Shier family gathering - so it would just be us and them - which would be painfully awkward and boring and not something we want to do.
-If dad goes with her to Saskatoon he won't be missed. (what a terrible thing to say - but it's kinda true)
-I'd like to celebrate with the Shier's (like we do every year) They are our closest family, they are fun, and will be missing her just like us.
- Another option is for us to pack up and go to Edmonton to spend Christmas with Dan's family. Might be alright, but will be overshadowed by sadness, as Dan's cousin passed away this summer and everyone will be mourning/missing him. (instead of mom...)
-yet another option is to go on a "holiday" just the 5 of us. Hotel, Swimming, Pizza, Fun. That'd be a good one too!
I know it's 2 months away and I have lots of things to worry about/get through before then, but it is always there bouncing around in my mind.
But wherever it is, whoever it's with, we just have to remember to say Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus and be thankful for all the good in our lives.
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