Thursday, October 27, 2011

Christmas Fears....

Two months to go....
Christmas this year will be different. The first Christmas without my mom. It makes me very sad thinking about it. She loved the presents and the cookies and the big family suppers.
Kayla and I tried to do the gift draw like we've done for years. Mom & Dad, Me & Dan, K & Dave. Each must buy for one person. $100 gift. No getting your spouse to do the shopping for you. (a rule for the boys mostly...) This year we decided not to do it. Just didn't feel right. It made me think of last Christmas. Dan had mom's name. He brought her a big bouquet of flowers. So perfect and bittersweet. She always joked with him that she'd expect flowers @ the home once a week...
Last Christmas was as special as it could be. We booked a board room on 5A and ordered a huge pizza from the cafeteria. Mom was well enough to come down in a wheelchair and open some presents with the kids. Her emotions were fried by then, so its hard to tell if she enjoyed it - but i think she did. i was her last time interacting with her grandkids.
Plans for this year are still up in the air and stressing me out already. Kayla will not be coming home. It's their year to stay in Medicine Hat with Dave's family. We have no idea what Dad and his "roommate" Jo-Anne will be doing.
*Will they have separate celebrations with thier families?
*Will dad go with her to Saskatoon?
*Will she stay here?
*Will her family come down here?
 Right now, for me. I hope they both go to saskatoon or else have separate christmases with their families.
-I don't want to do it with her family down here, as if we're some big happy blended family!
-If she stays here, she won't be welcome @ a Shier family gathering - so it would just be us and them - which would be painfully awkward and boring and not something we want to do.
-If dad goes with her to Saskatoon he won't be missed. (what a terrible thing to say - but it's kinda true)
-I'd like to celebrate with the Shier's (like we do every year) They are our closest family, they are fun, and will be missing her just like us.
- Another option is for us to pack up and go to Edmonton to spend Christmas with Dan's family. Might be alright, but will be overshadowed by sadness, as Dan's cousin passed away this summer and everyone will be mourning/missing him. (instead of mom...)
-yet another option is to go on a "holiday" just the 5 of us. Hotel, Swimming, Pizza, Fun. That'd be a good one too!
I know it's 2 months away and I have lots of things to worry about/get through before then, but it is always there bouncing around in my mind.
But wherever it is, whoever it's with, we just have to remember to say Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus and be thankful for all the good in our lives.

No Yell Parenting?

I hate yelling. I feel like all I do is yell at my kids. They don't listen the first 2 (or 10) times I say something and they only sometimes listen to me when I yell. Even after yelling they go right back to what I asked them not to do (or whatever...) This is incredibly frustrating for me. As soon as I yell at them I am immediately guilty. They're little. It's not thier fault. It's me who should take a deep breath and try again.
I've heard rumours of a magical no yell parenting technique. Books, experts, parents with super-powers in patience. I think I'll do some googling and see what I can find.
My sanity, blood pressure, and children deserve better than a screaming lunatic mom! I'll work on it. I promise.

Not the Teacher...

My kids started pre-school and pre-k in Sept. This year I am not the teacher. The month leading up to the first day was tough for me. I missed the lesson planning, class lists, bulletin boards and felt like I was ready to pick up where I left off in May. I had lots of ideas for centres and crafts and bulletin boards bouncing around in my brain. It's been hard to let go.... I'm not the teacher. It's not my problem. But I did have alot of expectations, comparisons, and negative (skeptical?) opinions of the new teacher. I know if I WAS the teacher I'd be far too stressed and tried and not enjoying it. So I need to focus on MY kids and being excited for them. Last year, I think that Tristan didn't get the praise he deserved for his behavior/art work, as I had 60 kids to share that praise with. And I've decided that if they're falling behind/not getting what I think they should out of the program I can always do more mini-preschool stuff at home. As long as they are enjoying going to school, I will be happy. (or at least content) And 2 months into the programs, I have more confidence in the new teacher and my kids are loving it!